If i come over, it means nothing
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize