YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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