she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Everyone says I win the strip club
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
