You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
