If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
