The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
