i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
please come you make the beer taste better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need water and some morals
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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