Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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