Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
