TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm really busy with my period
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