last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
