I could have mohawked her pubes.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
nutella sex= disaster
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
