it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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