I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
