maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i've created a new STD.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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