dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
