I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
