apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
