oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
