You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize