I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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