im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
