Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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