how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I smell like Dick and happiness
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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