Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
