A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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