Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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