Did you just see the Batmobile???
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's always time for handjobs
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Randomize
