Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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