i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
