If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
