everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
