remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
