If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
