I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
