My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
