By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
