I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
