Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
