my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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