Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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