people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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