There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
