She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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