You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
