This house was built for laser tag.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
