Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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