I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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