i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize