the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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