Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
