it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
