on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
