So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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