Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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