her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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