Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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