i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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