i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
