I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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