Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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