What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
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My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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