She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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