I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
