The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
